do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
