awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
