dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.