she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need a beard to bite.