That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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