im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
