She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny