shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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