Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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