Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
