Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
