I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
