I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
