It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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