the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize