The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
