I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
