why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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