Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
