You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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