I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
