im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Randomize
