I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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