She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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