the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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