New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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