I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
