Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
