Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The air taste purple.
Randomize
