why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
