So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
