never play flip cup with pint glasses
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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