Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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