My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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