Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
