Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
