youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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