found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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