new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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