STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
