is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize