Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
