Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
