FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
