I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
