i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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