Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
