Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
