69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
