Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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