tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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