I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
