Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
