NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
