So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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