oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
