Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
