I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
