That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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