i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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