that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
