You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
