I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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