sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
