Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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