He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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