I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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