Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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