Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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