obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
