But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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