Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize