OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
