Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
