hotel room ftw
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
