ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
