You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
