god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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